Well then...

I'm unconvinced that I am able to make myself happy here where I am in life and in the world. I have been thinking more and more about why I went to college in the first place, and the more I think about it the more I feel like it was never really an option. As someone who has made all of their money in skills and trades outside of the history field, and without a degree, I wonder sometimes why I am in college. Alas, with registering for my summer and fall semester classes, and meeting all of my graduation requirements, its hard to even convince myself not to just finish it up after 4 years already. Even my plans for after graduation seem to suggest my degree is somewhat pointless, though seemingly needed. All but a few of my closest friends have moved on from here and from my life, I don't have much to do around here to kill my time in a fulfilling way, and I am really unhappy for the most part. I cant seem to make big enough changes to truly be happy. Which is why when I graduate I am going to do my best to travel, a lot. I don't want to feel alone all the time. I don't to wish I could cuddle up with my gf. I don't even want to have to worry that my family is gone for a week or two. I want to just be too busy having fun to care. I want to just live life as loud as possible for a while after years of keeping it all in because of where I live and what I'm doing.

Not Sure What To Say...

Recently there has been a lot of big things going on in my life. Not all of them happy things. With the loss of a truly good friend, and the distancing between me and another friend. Death and loss have been a large chunk of life for me over the last few months, and as I see it, it will continue to be in my life, though hopefully not in such vast quantities all at once. So I am faced with many feelings and thoughts, not to mention my own mortality at the age of 21. What can I do you might ask. The answer for me came through many nights sitting up alone thinking. I was going to live. You say, "well everyone lives, whats the deal?" Well, I don't mean living like day to day work, eat, study, sleep, wake up and start all over type stuff. That isn't living, its existing. I mean I am choosing to live a life worth noticing. I am going to travel, I am going to party and make memories with the ones I love and care about, I am going to avoid drama as best as i can, and above all, I am going to make sure that when I am taking my last breaths in this world, I can look back and think, "I lived, I have no regrets, and I know that I loved and that I was loved in return." I know, enough of the mushy stuff. I'm being honest though, I have a list of things I wanna do with my life and it grows by the day. I'm gonna start crossing more things off that list.

Things I am Going to Do:
1. Get a tattoo, or give myself one
2. Learn more languages (as many as possible)
3: See my friend Jaz in Australia
4. See my cousin and his family in Germany
5. Go back to France and stay a while
6. Buy a motorcycle and take a road trip
7. Kiss a beautiful girl in the pouring rain
8. Fall in love
9. Get a knock out in the ring
10. Set foot on all continents
11. Have a kid
12. Live outside the US for longer than 6 months
13. See as much of the world as possible
14. Smile more
15. Laugh more
16. Worry less
17. More time well wasted
18. Learn to play guitar better
19. Make others laugh and smile more
20. Find more beauty in the world

These aren't all of the things I plan on doing, but its just a few thoughts. What do you guys think? What do you want to do in your life? Let me know.

People Thriving on Drama...

So, I'm really wondering why I have to post this. I have finals starting tomorrow, and instead of peace and relaxation while I study, I get drama, and ended relationship, and several wtf moments with nobody actually telling me what was said that cause all of this. Well, this is a small scale event, but its where the world's problems start, at least in part. I'm not saying my one night of drama is the cause of global warming or Justin Beiber, but its related in an obscure way. Why do people seem to thrive on drama. I never was one for drama, it always complicated my life when it showed up, like tonight, not that being single again doesn't have its perks, just still unsure of why I broke up with my gf. Anyways, back to the world falling apart thing. Like I said, drama seems to be at the root of things. Drama with my ex and my friends, drama with dictators who should be removed, drama with oil companies who keep getting richer while we seem to find everyone else getting poorer. I Just want to know why everyone doesn't just say, "hey, why did we let it all get this out of hand?" Well, I bet its because somewhere down the line, all these people were introduced to drama, and they never figured out how to get away from it all. Well I use the term drama loosely, but you get what I'm saying. So I invite you to take a stand with me. Just say no to drama. Next time someone starts something with you just walk away. Is it worth the stress and losing sleep or time just to fight with someone to try to prove you are right and they are wrong? No, it isn't. Simple as that. They wont see it your way anyways. So I dare you to just walk away. Live happy. Thats it. Thats all I want you to do. Can you do something as simple as lower the level of drama in your life by just not letting it affect you? Bet you cant. Prove me wrong.